I feel SO weird blogging about this

I was at Ed's the other night and we were just watching tv, when he spontaneously turns to me and says "Hey, so where do you want to get married?"

For some reason, my entire life I have dreaded planning my wedding. I'm not sure if it's because there are so many ways it can be done and places to have it at that I'm afraid I'll be let down, or if it is because the event has so many components to it that I'll just become jaded and in the end won't really want to care what the flowers look like or what the cake tastes like and then it will be bad. When I was younger, I would occasionally have sleepovers with my two older female cousins on my mom's side and those two would spend the whole entire night talking about what their weddings would look like and what dresses they would wear while I would sit around feeling bored.

(Keep in mind that this is all written as pure speculation, since neither of us are at a point in our lives where we want to get married. Also, the idea that we'll be getting married is something that I don't take for granted-- things could change in the next few years and we could end up parting ways. But since we've been together for so long, this is stuff we talk about.)

Ed is pretty intent on getting married at the Ahwahnee, in Yosemite. That might be nice, but it's hard to say since I've never been to Yosemite and I'm not sure how I feel about the style of the hotel from the pictures. His mother wants us to get married in Italy, which would be undoubtedly beautiful, but planning a wedding overseas sounds pretty hard. I have no idea where I want to get married. No idea at all. And I tried asking my mother...just mentioning the word "wedding" makes her completely freak out. She's really going to try to hold me to not getting married until I'm 25...

And then there's the whole religious element, which opens up a new can of worms. Neither he nor I belong to any particular organized religion, so from our perspective we could get anyone to perform the marriage. However, my grandmother is a strict catholic, and any wedding that is not done in a traditional catholic style will probably not be receiving her blessings. My parents are episcopalian, but they know that I am not by any means fond of that church, though they would probably insist on a christian wedding. His family has this friend, who is quite an eccentric but interesting woman; she's an ex-catholic nun who is now into astrology and psychic readings and a whole manner of alternative spiritual beliefs. (Did I mention she has 3 PhDs and is working on a 4th? I'm not sure if she's brilliant or completely crazy...) Ed thinks it would be fun to have her do the wedding. It's an interesting idea, and it might be fun to have some kind of totally alternative-style wedding if you're not going to have a wedding with a particular church affiliation.

Ultimately, this is another one of those things that I would like to push to the back of my brain at least until school gets out, since I certainly have enough on my plate right now.

beat

I'm totally exhausted. I have no idea why-- I have been getting decent amounts of sleep lately (except when I've been at home this week and everyone wakes me up) but it seems like no matter how much sleep I get I'm still extremely tired. The boyfriend has been trying to make me sleep when I go over to his place because he always comments on how tired I look. (Though, I get that all the time, really. I think it has to do with having light skin so you have these permanent dark shadows under your eyes...) I can't even focus on my homework. I really wanted to hit the gym this week too, but due to the fact that I've been so fatigued and having some soreness in my joints I have not been able to. This is all sounding suspiciously like my thyroid gland might be out of whack again. At least if it is I'll find out about it soon, since I had my annual blood test this past week. I also have a cyst in my throat that I had an ultrasound done on this past week. I've known about it for a while-- I can feel it and I get a really uncomfortable feeling when anything touches my throat (so no scarves or turtlenecks for me)-- and I told my mom about it when the doctor found it, but she apparently was not paying attention because she seriously chewed me out on the phone when I told her I had it checked out and she assumed I neglected to tell her. Ah, mom. Her attention is spread so thin between taking care of all her kids and her parents and transporting everyone everywhere that she doesn't really absorb much information anymore.

I decided to try cooking something last night and I made a white bean chicken chili, which is my favorite kind of chili. It turned out really well, which made me happy:) Also, I bought organic tomatoes instead of just the usual tomatoes I buy, and they definitely taste better.

I really want to go shopping and get some new clothes, but I'm so tired that I don't even feel like going. I just want to sleep...

after 8 years of waiting...

I decided I am going to do it! Before the week is over, I am going to get my belly button pierced! The last few years have really been less about me being indecisive and more about the fact that I just never really got around to it. When I was 15 and wanted it done my mom said no way and that I could get it done after I moved out. At this point I figure it's now or never and I'm pretty sure I'll regret not having it done if I don't do it, so I'm going to do it!

Also, I'm light blonde again! Goodbye icky dark hair!

spring break and cooking

Finally, a break from school! I haven't been able to write very much lately because I have been so overwhelmed and I still have so much to do! Ahhh!

I did want to write about something I discovered the other day, though. I was flipping channels while resting and I came across this cooking show called Sam the Cooking Guy. It's aired mostly on local SD channels, and it's basically just this guy who made a cooking show right in his own kitchen. He makes recipes that sound really good and not very simple but are extremely easy to make. When I watched it for the first time, he made some really yummy looking chow mein in just a few minutes with a cup of noodles, steak, tomatoes and a really simple sauce. His BBQ chicken pizza was as easy as putting a couple of ingredients in a container with leftover chicken and shaking it up, then putting it on a prebaked crust. It's like the stuff that is so easy and not gourmet, so that the chefs that you always read about or see on Food TV won't do it, but it's so much more practical for the average person without much time or money and tastes almost as good! I love it.

There are so many details for my trip to Paris that I am going CRAZY trying to figure everything out. My mom is trying to plan out down-to-the-minute departure details while I am still trying to get my flights arranged and figure out how I'm going to keep in contact and what to bring and where to go...and I still need to learn French! I'm starting to get very nervous, but there is no way I'm going to let myself back out of this. I feel like I need to go new places and see new things, and Paris is one of the places I have always wanted to go to. A month away from everything familiar is going to be...weird and uncomfortable, but it's nothing I can't take. But I'm trying to focus on how exciting it's going to be! I'm toying with the idea of buying a small video camera to bring with me to make little videos I can post every day of the places I go! That would be a fun way to keep in touch.

foodage

Thanks in large part to my insomnia and inability to sleep before exams (though I seem to have no problem sleeping DURING them, as proven by nearly sleeping through an accounting exam last year) I think I'll write a blog. I want to talk about food this time. Food is such a large part of our lives! It represents our culture, our lifestyles and our vigor.
I guess I'll start with the three worst things in my diet at present that I really need to cut back on:

- Chipotle: Chipotle is a HUGE temptation; it's fast, easy, inexpensive and like a two minute walk from my apartment. Plus, I now have a Pavlovian response to the words "barbacoa tacos". Chipotle is sooooo bad for you, and I eat it probably twice a week now. Ideally it would be good to have it every other week or something, but just for now I'll make a goal to eat it once a week only.

-Starbucks: Starbucks is something that is really tempting for me, because alike Chipotle, it is very close to my apartment and I need caffeine to stay awake and study. It is very expensive for what you get though-- I could buy a bottle of flavored syrup and brew my own coffee and it wouldn't cost anywhere near what Starbucks charges per cup and would probably taste about the same. Not to mention that those frou-frou drinks have so much sugar in them! While I try to get nonfat milk and cut back on the sugary drinks whenever possible, I think I should try to cut back to going to Starbucks twice a week.

-Unhealthy snack foods: Cookies, Doritos and anything I eat packed with preservatives and random stuff that I can't pronounce on the package should NOT dominate my diet! But they seem so good to keep around because they are really cheap and satisfying to eat. However, they should go, but it's not going to be easy, so my goal is to only have one small-sized unhealthy snack each day (as opposed to like chowing down on an entire bag of Doritos unintentionally while surfing the internet).

Now, for the things in my diet that I am proud of:

-Salad: I eat salad almost every day now!! Caesar salad, with fresh romaine or green leaf lettuce, a low fat dressing, a sprinkle of fresh parmesan cheese and just a couple croutons tossed in is such a fresh treat with not very much prep time. Plus, it makes me even more hungry for dinner usually.

-Yogurt: I read somewhere that eating yogurt before you work out can help you burn fat more effectively. (Unfortunately, the first time I tried this I was enough of an airhead to not realize that you shouldn't eat right before you work out...) I am happy to say that yogurt has found its way into my everyday diet and is a sufficient substitute for ice cream and some of the unhealthy snacks I mentioned earlier.

-Fruit: I used to buy a couple apples at the grocery store and then they would just sit in my fridge and rot until I threw them out and bought more. Now I'm trying to buy fruit every week and eat it. So far, buying a bunch of bananas and resolving to eat one every day has worked out pretty well (I ate more than half my bananas last week, which I am proud of). They also go well with yogurt and cereal, which is an added benefit. I'm trying to branch out and buy more fruit, but a lot of the stuff I buy at the grocery store doesn't do so well. I buy pears and plums and they don't ripen correctly-- they are unripe and then they rot, and they never actually get to that middle stage where they are ripe. and good to eat Nonetheless, I will keep trying...

As a whole, my diet really isn't that bad. But I feel like it could be better, and I feel like I could potentially have more energy, so I feel that it is important for me to write about it and make sure I am not headed in the wrong direction with it.

weekly update

Crazy week this week was...and it will only get worse.

Most of my attention at the beginning of this week was on the France trip. I applied for my passport, bought a few books on the language, paid my trip deposit and tried to make a list of all the things I need to consider before leaving (for example, the fact that I should try a VoIP client instead of using my cell phone so that I don't spend a lot of money trying to call my folks & boyfriend).

My attention was quickly transferred to this nightmare of a programming project, which I JUST finished at 3am this morning, and I had to have several people help me. I don't think I want to be a programmer...it just stresses me out way too much. Whenever I'm doing something other than programming I can't think of anything except for the fact that I have no idea how to do the stuff that I need to do to my project. I'm not really like that with writing papers or playing music because I know that regardless of whether the end product is 100% the way I want it to be, I know I can churn something out and it will probably be successful. With programming, I know that my program won't run unless everything is exactly 100% in place, and if I don't know how to implement something in my program I start to really panic and feel the pressure if the due date is near.

I have three killer exams next week, so I went out and hung out with a few friends last night. We went to some Candyland themed party at SigEp, and even though we spent about an hour trying to actually get into the party and I couldn't stay for very long because I had said project to finish, I'm glad I at least got to spend some time with them and take some fun pictures:)

I'm not sure that it's been exactly a week since I set my goals on keeping in touch with people, but I am still beating myself up for not writing to my work. I did, however, write to my grandmother and she is apparently estatic that I sent her a card and that I am going to France and might go visit her country of origin (Luxembourg). I'll try to take some time out this weekend to write to the other people, and then report back. I think I'll make a big laundry list of people I need to write to after my midterms are done on Thursday so that I can work on that over spring break, since I know I'll just procrastinate on studying and write to people if I do it now.

Additionally, I have this really cool membership to ACM that allows me to enroll in all kinds of online copmputer classes, and I've never really utilized it. I'm going to try to complete at least one class over spring break. I have not decided which subject yet-- probably ASP.NET or one of the Microsoft certification classes.

Oh! One more goal before I complete this entry: I have GOT to catch up with what is going on in the world and politics. I don't really have time to read the paper, and most of the time I only know when something big is going on because my boyfriend will see it on the news and call me up and tell me about it. I've been talking to some people about the contenders for the '08 elections, which I'm kind of looking forward to-- I enjoy watching the primaries for each party --and I'm pretty sick of Bush.

yeesh

Just as I sit down and decide that I really do want to minor in art, I find out that it is pretty much impossible...I looked at the class requirements and I would seriously be in school for at least another year and a half just to get a minor in art because all the classes have so many prerequisites! I want to make up my mind on this really soon though, so stay tuned to find out what happens.

living in a sea of regret

Today, while I was talking to one of my roommates, I realized that I have a lot of unresolved "junk" in my life. Some of my relationships with people are not so good, and I think it is one thing holding me back from being really happy. I've realized that my relationships with most of my family members are practically non-existant, while others are distant and downright bad. I have a good relationship with a few close friends, but there are other people who I really care about and just completely neglect (unintentionally!) I haven't talked to my old work since I last worked there in the summer when I swore to keep in touch and I have been feeling guilty about not writing at least once a week. My grandmother is in poor health and getting worse and I only talk to her a couple times a year, and don't really interact with her very much when I do see her.

I am afraid that when I do get around to trying to repair these relationships, or get in touch with these people, that it will be too late to actually do anything. That my brothers and I will just be distant from each other forever, that I will never really know my parents, and that my grandparents will die and I will live in a sea of regret for not listening to all their stories and telling them about myself when I had the chance. That the friends that I wanted to care about and never had the time to will not remember me or will move away and I won't be able to find them. That thought is sad to me.

My mantra has always been that if there is something wrong or out of place in your life, you should change what you are doing.

My excuse is that I never have time. I don't have the time to talk to everyone and write to everyone while I am so busy with my schoolwork. While I guess that is a valid excuse, I know I can do better. If I set a few goals about keeping in touch with the people I want to, I can at least resolve a few of these issues. My goal: to try and connect with 3 people each week that I want to keep in touch with. This week I want to write to my grandmother, contact the office where I worked last summer and write a letter to one of my cousins.

There are some other issues, like my relationship with my parents, which cannot simply be resolved by writing letters or talking-- rather, the fact that we simply cannot communicate on the same level is more of the issue. I never really realized quite how bad it was until A. said "So...your parents really do not know who you are at all, do they? Your relationship can't be very good with them if you can't talk to them about any of the things going on in your life." It never really occured to me that was a problem, but I am starting to realize how unfortunate it is that they cannot see me as a person with real thoughts and feelings instead of just a child who doesn't know anything about how the world works and who can be shielded from things and cannot make choices on her own.

what a yucky week

I am so glad that this week is over. Next week and the week after sure are not going to be fun either, but I'll take them one at a time. I had 3 presentations this week and a project (which got postponed at the last minute, thankfully) and I haven't had very much time to myself just to sit around and think about the way things are going. I also have acquired a cold, which probably became worse by going to bed at 6am and getting up at 8am on Tuesday...

I am about 80% sure that I am going to do study abroad in Paris this summer, which I am very excited about, and it looks like I am going to be on vacation with my family the week before that in Hawaii. The boyfriend is going to try for an accounting internship up in the San Fran area-- I hope he gets that, because it is something that he really wants. I myself am not sure what I will do about working this summer. I'll be unable to week for about 6 weeks straight due to all this vacation stuff, and it's pretty hard to go job hunting and tell people you'll need 6 weeks off! I might just try temping again if I can't find anything, since that seemed to work out well last summer.

I went and saw the movie 300 today, and was really impressed with it. I honestly thought it was being overhyped and that I would be let down, but it was not the case. I recommend seeing it, but I also would recommend watching the program on the history channel about 300 before seeing the movie. I watched it last night and I believe the movie was much more meaningful as a result. We went to Mimi's Cafe afterward, which I had remembered as having pretty good food, but nothing we ordered tasted that great.

I was going to write some other things here, but I can't really recall what...I guess I'll just take care of it later.

Jellies

C'mon, you remember them...jellies! I ordered a pair last week and they came in the mail yesterday. The boyfriend thinks I am completely NUTS and have no fashion taste. In order to test this out, I wore them out last night. I got TONS of compliments on them! They are such fun shoes and people start reminicing about their childhood when they see them...it's kind of awesome:)

blog name

I was thinking over the last few days that my blog name is too cliched. (I love Pink Floyd, but...come on). Any suggestions for a better one?

I was almost thinking of naming it "OMG SHOES" since it pretty much describes a main interest.

college student?

I am running on caffiene alone, because those 2 hours of sleep I got last night are doing nothing for me.
I am eating canned tuna.
There are dirty clothes all over my floor, and I'm not actually sure when I last washed the pair of pants that I am wearing.
I am ditching class so I can do homework for another class.
My desk is covered in tiny sticky notes reminding myself of places to go and times to be there because I really can't remember all these appointments and things.
I would rather order my printer paper from Staples and have it delivered to my doorstep than take the 10 minutes to drive there and back to pick it up.
I tried to put my credit card in the cash-only soda machine today because I don't carry cash.
A computer book is sitting next to my door, where it was thrown in frustration, with a pair of shoes on top of it because I forgot to put them away.
I keep a large stash of energy drinks under my bed.
Can you tell I'm in college?

snow patrol

There was a Snow Patrol concert at school last night. I was going to buy tickets when they first came out, but they ended up being a bit pricier than I had thought they would be, so it wasn't going to work out. Ed and I decided to go check out the concert, since it was on campus and you could hear it by just standing outside the venue. There was a walkway which would have been a great place to chill out and listen to the concert, right behind the stage, but it was surrounded by caution tape. We found this perfect place which actually overlooked the stage from the second floor of Manchester Hall outside. I figured that nobody would bother us because we were pretty far from the stage (despite being able to see it) and there were no signs saying that we were not allowed to be there. But sure enough, after about five minutes a police officer approached us and told us that we were not allowed to be there. Ed started to protest, since there really was no good reason they shouldn't let us be there, and the officer (who apparently couldn't find a good enough reason to make us leave either) called for backup. So we just left. It was pretty stupid-- why couldn't they just have put caution tape on it if they did not want people standing there?

just stuff

Today was a day of rest, mostly! I slept in until 10:30 (unintentionally; nonetheless, it felt wonderful.) My roommate woke me up to tell me that she talked to our apartment manager about renewing our lease but switching apartments. I then headed over to Bloomingdales in Fashion Valley to buy some more foundation and a makeup brush I needed, then spent about an hour in Target picking up miscellaneous things I needed. An old lady who seemed to be a few cards short of a deck came up to me twice and asked me if I had a dollar to give her. I gave her the response I give everyone-- I do not have any cash (I'm a college student-- we don't really carry cash, just plastic). The second time she pointed to my purse and said "But you have that." Made me realize how much I hate people who ask for money.

I then spent the rest of the day napping and working on a large project for my consulting class. Boring stuff.

Study abroad has been narrowed down! I can't do Japan because I'd need to write an admissions essay in Japanese, which is pretty impossible for me. I know a few words of the spoken language (incredibly basic things, like "arigato" for thank you and "doshde" is why) but I have no idea how to write that stuff out! France and Ireland are sounding better and better. My dad thinks that Ireland would be the more fun one. But I'm required to submit like seven writing samples for it! I think France might be more interesting. I have had this big burning desire to visit Paris since...forever. So I am leaning towards that and am looking to make a desicion in the next few days.

My random thought for the day:
I have this professor who is probably the single most professional professor I have ever met, and is the best teacher too. Sometimes I have professors who come to class looking like they rolled out of bed, or they are all out of breath and in a hurry, but this guy is never like that. He never comes wearing anything less than a collared shirt and dockers and looking polished. He is very knowledgable about his field of study and although his class is challenging, it is one of my favorites because I feel like I get so much out of it. The curious thing about this person though, is he never ever talks about his personal life. A lot of students tend to think of him as a robot actually-- there was a joke going around about how he probably goes home and plugs himself into the wall to update his software every day. I visited his office this afternoon and it was kind of boring looking. Most professors have pictures of their families or friends, or at least something indicating their personality or personal life. His office had a few paintings on the walls, and his desk had a few stacks of files and IT periodicals on it, but looked professional and plain. I kind of wonder about those kinds of people, I guess, who try to create a distinct barrier between personal interests and professional life. There certainly needs to be one, but I don't think it hurts to put a little bit of personality in your workplace.

Anyway, I ordered some software that I am waiting for so I can start a project, and I ordered a bunch of shoes from Urban Outfitters that I am waiting for too! But right this minute, I am relaxing and trying to forget I have 10 hours of classes tomorrow. Ick.