food for a thought

"The bottom line is, these couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time if it's right and they're real lucky. One of them will say something."
- Dr. Cox, Scrubs

i wish i could write better entries

I have two really massive entries about different subjects in the works, but they aren't finished yet and won't be until I have an hour or two to sit down and really think them out. Until then, you're going to have to bear with me griping about my classes.

I'm seriously at the point where I do NOT care anymore. I have a massive project due tomorrow, and I just do not care. I don't have the usual sense of urgency that my grade is going to be bad if I don't get this thing together. This project is such a lost cause (due in large part to a serious lack of direction) that I just cannot bring myself to care what the end result is. I'm going to do badly in this class anyway-- the instructor doesn't like me, for whatever reason. Many things are going horribly wrong with this project anyway, so I'm just hoping for some really basic thing that works to turn in tomorrow. I don't care about it being perfect anymore. The unfortunate thing is that I had selected this project because I was really interested in it. It involves writing a shopping cart application and storing website info in a database, then using user directed query strings in a HTML format to draw the info out. It was going to be really cool, but then my software started failing on me and now I don't really know what I am going to do. I would almost rather spend the time hardcoding everything in HTML, as tedious and as difficult to update as that would be, because I would at least know how to do it and wouldn't have to mess with unfamiliar database software for hours.

I'm having coffee with an old friend of mine that is a music major here to talk about being a music minor. She's very good at her instrument (like, should have went to IU or some ritzy music school in NY good) and I'd like to hear her thoughts on the program here after spending 3 years in it.

That's all for now.

nothing

Nothing new to report. I'm crazy busy as usual with schoolwork. Finals are coming up in a couple weeks. I'm still really tired all the time, but my endocrinologist has decided to put me on thyroid replacement drugs, so hopefully those will help (I just found out today).

music

Music, music, music! Where did you go? You just sort of suddenly slipped out of my life in August and never came back!

I would love to start playing flute again. Especially since the semester is going by so quickly and I sure have nothing else to do when I'm not travelling this summer...

I was sort of going through what I wanted to minor in again today, and music came up. Why not minor in music? Because the music department sucks, that's why! Does it suck enough to not even consider studying it here? Hmmm...I thought about it and yeah, it pretty much does I think. Every time I walk by the music department they jump on me like pidgeons on a bread crust and beg me to come back. They're just so unprofessional though, and I couldn't stand being in the wind symphony again...I started recalling that the wind symphony was my LEAST favorite class of my first semester when I had only joined it for enjoyment. So music is out, sorry to say.

I have realized though, that as much as I love the flute and as much as I do think it is a cool instrument, I would love to branch out a little. I really want to learn some basic piano skills. I don't know the first thing about playing the piano! And I want to learn how to sing. I was really self concious about my singing voice for the majority of my childhood, so I never sang when I was around people because I was afraid they would make fun of me (in all honesty, I don't think I'm a horrible singer. Someone made a comment when I was really young that I was bad at singing, and for at least 10 years after that it made me stop singing in front of people). I think opera is such a cool art form though and I listen to so much vocal music that I want to learn how to sing better!

I'm feeling inspired, so I think my next entry is going to be about stuff I want to do with myself. Like learning to play the piano. And freaking picking up my flute again!

ready to pull my hair out

Okay, somthing has GOT to be wrong with me.

I slept for not 8, not 9, but 13 hours today. I didn't even do anything strenuous yesterday! I slept for 9 hours this morning, literally sat around and did nothing for a couple hours, and then went back to bed for 4 hours. Got up, and felt exhausted-- like I had not slept at all. I managed to drag myself to the library, down a latte with 3 shots of expresso in it and was still so tired that I literally was punching each function on my finance homework probably 10 times because I would mess up and press the buttons in the wrong order or put the wrong value in the wrong place.
Factor in some seemingly random joint soreness, a mysterious weight gain, dramatic mood swings and it seems like something is just not quite right. The results of my thyroid test come back soon, so if something is wrong I should find out about it, thankfully.

Otherwise...I'm doing pretty poorly in school (still!) I hate networks. Hate hate hate it. I got my second D on an exam in that class...the future does not look good. I just don't get them! The professor acts like we are all computer geeks and should obviously already know the stuff that he is teaching us when really, it's about half the class that has had some prior networking experience and the other half is totally new to the subject. I just hope I can get out of there with a C.