I'm blogging because I'm trying to avoid the massive amount of work I have to do. I seriously have so much to study and do that I don't even want to try and comprehend it all at once. But it will (almost) all be over tomorrow night, which is reassuring. Unless I have to take classes again, which would suck. I should just get out of here while my GPA is still high enough to graduate...it just sinks lower with each semester.
Really, really excited about France. I'm kind of insecure about leaving though, just because I've never done anything like this before and I hate being away from my boyfriend, especially since I see him at least once a day at this point in time and he lives right down the street-- so to be away from being able to just go chill with him or make sure he's okay is going to be really strange. But that's kind of why I'm going...I need to get used to that. (Though, I think he is jealous that I'm going. That's okay. I'm jealous he got into grad school, which is something I can't do right now, so there's a balance.)
Kell is moving in this week-- I'm super excited-- I like having half the apartment to myself, but I bet living with her will be really fun. Plus, instead of walking like 10 minutes to her place to pre-party and then doing another 10 minute walk to get to any parties, we are both just right here, and the parties are usually a lot closer to my place. Traci is moving out-- kinda bummed about that-- I like Traci. Admittedly, I haven't gotten to know her anywhere near as well as I should have, but she has been a good roommate.
Annnd....I should probably continue studying some of this stuff so I don't feel like I have so much hanging over my head. More talk later.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Jenny from the block
**disclaimer: Concrete facts about this case have not yet been released. I do not pretend to know 100% what happened and I do not intend to spread rumors about what may have happened. This entry is purely based on my understanding of the situation at different points in time and my reactions to the news that I heard.**
This girl at my school died over the weekend. I found out the morning it happened, at the bright and not-so-terribly early hour of 10:30 AM, when a girl in my sorority sent out an email about it. She lived in the same complex as Jenny and awoke to the sound of a boy screaming hysterically for his now dead sister as police rushed to the scene.
The story sounded innocent enough at first: her brother was in town and they had been drinking and celebrating, but she drank too much so they put her to bed and miraculously the next morning all the life had been sucked out of her. I felt bad when I heard this story-- people get excited when a relative or friend they haven't seen in a while comes into town, and drink too much and then some freak thing happens and they get alcohol poisoning or choke on their puke and now they're gone forever.
Then, a close friend of hers added to the story: she had actually been doing drugs lately, so she was probably doing them on the night she died. You figure it's safe to rule out pot, but did she overdose on drugs? Take a leathal combination? Or was it not the drugs at all, and just the alc that killed her? And for crying out loud, she's a freshman. A young and innocent freshman, vibrant, full of life and probably just experimenting with drugs as people seem to do. And celebrating with her brother and now this happened. I still felt pretty bad about it.
But! More information comes out: she had actually been drinking the entire day, and doing coke that morning! She did some blow, went to (name omitted) fraternity's day party on cinco de mayo and started drinking, then hung out with her brother and continued to drink and she's a goner. I started to feel slightly less bad than I had at this point. She had been somewhat careless to not monitor her intake more, and what was her brother doing letting her drink after she had already been drinking half the day?
And then finally, the most recent story: coke in the morning, followed by an afternoon of partying and alchol, followed by a post-party pre-party undoubtedly with tons of alcohol for her sorority formal and likely drinks at the formal as well...with some e thrown in there somewhere. At this point, I can't really say I felt that sorry anymore-- cocaine, e and an entire day of drinking? I mean really, I don't understand how she felt the need to keep pushing and doing all these drugs. Peer pressure? Her own pressure to be popular and fun? When substance abuse reaches that extent, it is time for something-- someone-- to change it or really bad things happen, like death.
The event itself is still tragic-- the loss of a girl, the concequential fucking over of the greek community that shall soon insue, all the people who did coke or drank or did e with her that day who are probably feeling like shit right now because they just helped kill someone. I'm just not sure how sorry I can feel for a person's lack of responsibility.
This girl at my school died over the weekend. I found out the morning it happened, at the bright and not-so-terribly early hour of 10:30 AM, when a girl in my sorority sent out an email about it. She lived in the same complex as Jenny and awoke to the sound of a boy screaming hysterically for his now dead sister as police rushed to the scene.
The story sounded innocent enough at first: her brother was in town and they had been drinking and celebrating, but she drank too much so they put her to bed and miraculously the next morning all the life had been sucked out of her. I felt bad when I heard this story-- people get excited when a relative or friend they haven't seen in a while comes into town, and drink too much and then some freak thing happens and they get alcohol poisoning or choke on their puke and now they're gone forever.
Then, a close friend of hers added to the story: she had actually been doing drugs lately, so she was probably doing them on the night she died. You figure it's safe to rule out pot, but did she overdose on drugs? Take a leathal combination? Or was it not the drugs at all, and just the alc that killed her? And for crying out loud, she's a freshman. A young and innocent freshman, vibrant, full of life and probably just experimenting with drugs as people seem to do. And celebrating with her brother and now this happened. I still felt pretty bad about it.
But! More information comes out: she had actually been drinking the entire day, and doing coke that morning! She did some blow, went to (name omitted) fraternity's day party on cinco de mayo and started drinking, then hung out with her brother and continued to drink and she's a goner. I started to feel slightly less bad than I had at this point. She had been somewhat careless to not monitor her intake more, and what was her brother doing letting her drink after she had already been drinking half the day?
And then finally, the most recent story: coke in the morning, followed by an afternoon of partying and alchol, followed by a post-party pre-party undoubtedly with tons of alcohol for her sorority formal and likely drinks at the formal as well...with some e thrown in there somewhere. At this point, I can't really say I felt that sorry anymore-- cocaine, e and an entire day of drinking? I mean really, I don't understand how she felt the need to keep pushing and doing all these drugs. Peer pressure? Her own pressure to be popular and fun? When substance abuse reaches that extent, it is time for something-- someone-- to change it or really bad things happen, like death.
The event itself is still tragic-- the loss of a girl, the concequential fucking over of the greek community that shall soon insue, all the people who did coke or drank or did e with her that day who are probably feeling like shit right now because they just helped kill someone. I'm just not sure how sorry I can feel for a person's lack of responsibility.
Monday, April 30, 2007
food for a thought
"The bottom line is, these couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time if it's right and they're real lucky. One of them will say something."
- Dr. Cox, Scrubs
- Dr. Cox, Scrubs
Thursday, April 26, 2007
i wish i could write better entries
I have two really massive entries about different subjects in the works, but they aren't finished yet and won't be until I have an hour or two to sit down and really think them out. Until then, you're going to have to bear with me griping about my classes.
I'm seriously at the point where I do NOT care anymore. I have a massive project due tomorrow, and I just do not care. I don't have the usual sense of urgency that my grade is going to be bad if I don't get this thing together. This project is such a lost cause (due in large part to a serious lack of direction) that I just cannot bring myself to care what the end result is. I'm going to do badly in this class anyway-- the instructor doesn't like me, for whatever reason. Many things are going horribly wrong with this project anyway, so I'm just hoping for some really basic thing that works to turn in tomorrow. I don't care about it being perfect anymore. The unfortunate thing is that I had selected this project because I was really interested in it. It involves writing a shopping cart application and storing website info in a database, then using user directed query strings in a HTML format to draw the info out. It was going to be really cool, but then my software started failing on me and now I don't really know what I am going to do. I would almost rather spend the time hardcoding everything in HTML, as tedious and as difficult to update as that would be, because I would at least know how to do it and wouldn't have to mess with unfamiliar database software for hours.
I'm having coffee with an old friend of mine that is a music major here to talk about being a music minor. She's very good at her instrument (like, should have went to IU or some ritzy music school in NY good) and I'd like to hear her thoughts on the program here after spending 3 years in it.
That's all for now.
I'm seriously at the point where I do NOT care anymore. I have a massive project due tomorrow, and I just do not care. I don't have the usual sense of urgency that my grade is going to be bad if I don't get this thing together. This project is such a lost cause (due in large part to a serious lack of direction) that I just cannot bring myself to care what the end result is. I'm going to do badly in this class anyway-- the instructor doesn't like me, for whatever reason. Many things are going horribly wrong with this project anyway, so I'm just hoping for some really basic thing that works to turn in tomorrow. I don't care about it being perfect anymore. The unfortunate thing is that I had selected this project because I was really interested in it. It involves writing a shopping cart application and storing website info in a database, then using user directed query strings in a HTML format to draw the info out. It was going to be really cool, but then my software started failing on me and now I don't really know what I am going to do. I would almost rather spend the time hardcoding everything in HTML, as tedious and as difficult to update as that would be, because I would at least know how to do it and wouldn't have to mess with unfamiliar database software for hours.
I'm having coffee with an old friend of mine that is a music major here to talk about being a music minor. She's very good at her instrument (like, should have went to IU or some ritzy music school in NY good) and I'd like to hear her thoughts on the program here after spending 3 years in it.
That's all for now.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
nothing
Nothing new to report. I'm crazy busy as usual with schoolwork. Finals are coming up in a couple weeks. I'm still really tired all the time, but my endocrinologist has decided to put me on thyroid replacement drugs, so hopefully those will help (I just found out today).
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
music
Music, music, music! Where did you go? You just sort of suddenly slipped out of my life in August and never came back!
I would love to start playing flute again. Especially since the semester is going by so quickly and I sure have nothing else to do when I'm not travelling this summer...
I was sort of going through what I wanted to minor in again today, and music came up. Why not minor in music? Because the music department sucks, that's why! Does it suck enough to not even consider studying it here? Hmmm...I thought about it and yeah, it pretty much does I think. Every time I walk by the music department they jump on me like pidgeons on a bread crust and beg me to come back. They're just so unprofessional though, and I couldn't stand being in the wind symphony again...I started recalling that the wind symphony was my LEAST favorite class of my first semester when I had only joined it for enjoyment. So music is out, sorry to say.
I have realized though, that as much as I love the flute and as much as I do think it is a cool instrument, I would love to branch out a little. I really want to learn some basic piano skills. I don't know the first thing about playing the piano! And I want to learn how to sing. I was really self concious about my singing voice for the majority of my childhood, so I never sang when I was around people because I was afraid they would make fun of me (in all honesty, I don't think I'm a horrible singer. Someone made a comment when I was really young that I was bad at singing, and for at least 10 years after that it made me stop singing in front of people). I think opera is such a cool art form though and I listen to so much vocal music that I want to learn how to sing better!
I'm feeling inspired, so I think my next entry is going to be about stuff I want to do with myself. Like learning to play the piano. And freaking picking up my flute again!
I would love to start playing flute again. Especially since the semester is going by so quickly and I sure have nothing else to do when I'm not travelling this summer...
I was sort of going through what I wanted to minor in again today, and music came up. Why not minor in music? Because the music department sucks, that's why! Does it suck enough to not even consider studying it here? Hmmm...I thought about it and yeah, it pretty much does I think. Every time I walk by the music department they jump on me like pidgeons on a bread crust and beg me to come back. They're just so unprofessional though, and I couldn't stand being in the wind symphony again...I started recalling that the wind symphony was my LEAST favorite class of my first semester when I had only joined it for enjoyment. So music is out, sorry to say.
I have realized though, that as much as I love the flute and as much as I do think it is a cool instrument, I would love to branch out a little. I really want to learn some basic piano skills. I don't know the first thing about playing the piano! And I want to learn how to sing. I was really self concious about my singing voice for the majority of my childhood, so I never sang when I was around people because I was afraid they would make fun of me (in all honesty, I don't think I'm a horrible singer. Someone made a comment when I was really young that I was bad at singing, and for at least 10 years after that it made me stop singing in front of people). I think opera is such a cool art form though and I listen to so much vocal music that I want to learn how to sing better!
I'm feeling inspired, so I think my next entry is going to be about stuff I want to do with myself. Like learning to play the piano. And freaking picking up my flute again!
Thursday, April 5, 2007
ready to pull my hair out
Okay, somthing has GOT to be wrong with me.
I slept for not 8, not 9, but 13 hours today. I didn't even do anything strenuous yesterday! I slept for 9 hours this morning, literally sat around and did nothing for a couple hours, and then went back to bed for 4 hours. Got up, and felt exhausted-- like I had not slept at all. I managed to drag myself to the library, down a latte with 3 shots of expresso in it and was still so tired that I literally was punching each function on my finance homework probably 10 times because I would mess up and press the buttons in the wrong order or put the wrong value in the wrong place.
Factor in some seemingly random joint soreness, a mysterious weight gain, dramatic mood swings and it seems like something is just not quite right. The results of my thyroid test come back soon, so if something is wrong I should find out about it, thankfully.
Otherwise...I'm doing pretty poorly in school (still!) I hate networks. Hate hate hate it. I got my second D on an exam in that class...the future does not look good. I just don't get them! The professor acts like we are all computer geeks and should obviously already know the stuff that he is teaching us when really, it's about half the class that has had some prior networking experience and the other half is totally new to the subject. I just hope I can get out of there with a C.
I slept for not 8, not 9, but 13 hours today. I didn't even do anything strenuous yesterday! I slept for 9 hours this morning, literally sat around and did nothing for a couple hours, and then went back to bed for 4 hours. Got up, and felt exhausted-- like I had not slept at all. I managed to drag myself to the library, down a latte with 3 shots of expresso in it and was still so tired that I literally was punching each function on my finance homework probably 10 times because I would mess up and press the buttons in the wrong order or put the wrong value in the wrong place.
Factor in some seemingly random joint soreness, a mysterious weight gain, dramatic mood swings and it seems like something is just not quite right. The results of my thyroid test come back soon, so if something is wrong I should find out about it, thankfully.
Otherwise...I'm doing pretty poorly in school (still!) I hate networks. Hate hate hate it. I got my second D on an exam in that class...the future does not look good. I just don't get them! The professor acts like we are all computer geeks and should obviously already know the stuff that he is teaching us when really, it's about half the class that has had some prior networking experience and the other half is totally new to the subject. I just hope I can get out of there with a C.
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